Finding Social Fit: What a wide variety of personas face for living 'atypically' or when abrupt life changes occur
How the desires of feeling like you "belong" are shared across many circumstances
A person with autism, a new parent, and a transplant from another city walk into a bar…
What do they share in common?
Isolation challenges
The challenge of finding or maintaining a supportive community
A struggle to find a sense of belonging
Interestingly, these are the same challenges often times encountered by those in recovery from substance use, those in recovery from trauma, those entering a new chapter of life (retirement, career change, divorce, etc), or persons who identify LGBTQ+ … there is a very human desire to ‘find your tribe’ yet very real barriers that commonly surface that prevent connection or a feeling of belonging.
One barrier may be the Inner Critic, specifically considerations related to one’s self-identity that stand in your way of finding connection.
If you are in recovery, for example, it’s recommended that you seek to establish an identity of recovery — supplemented with new connections with people who are recovery-supportive. When you seek a change to your identity, it’s very common to feel a sense of loss and confusion - leading to thoughts of doubt and second guessing (the inner critic).
If you’re starting a new chapter - as a retiree, in a new city, changing jobs, or facing a medical diagnosis where life is forever changed - you likewise feel a loss of identity and face questions about your social identity.
If your identity is due to your atypical condition or your lifestyle, much of your barrier often is your inner critic that may be reinforcing societal stigma (stereotypes) and perpetuating a negative social identity.
Regardless of the circumstance, there are actions that you can take to actively take control of how you connect, find a tribe, and find that sense of belonging.
Reduce Social Media Usage - almost all social media can amplify feelings of social isolation. [1] See the Toward Wellth post on Social Media Use Disorders for other tips on HOW to reduce your social media usage.
Seek Professional Help - Therapists and counselors can provide strategies and guidance to cope with feelings of isolation or to help to unpack social situations. You may be able to use Generative AI tools (like ChatGPT) to guide some of this activity, in conjunction with the help of a professional.
Commit to Spending Quality Time with Friends - Regular interaction with friends can help foster a sense of belonging. Build a habit of getting together… ‘movie night’, ‘game night’, first Friday of the month… make it an excuse to get together.
Develop a Passion - Engaging in activities you love is an avenue to find like-minded individuals.
Join a Club or Spiritual Community - Extending #4, you can seek to join a club around the passion or join a spiritual community where there is a shared identity. These can provide a sense of belonging.
Volunteer - This is a way to both meet people who share similar values and feel pride for having contributed positively to your community.
Use Technology to Foster Virtual Connections - While it may seem at odds with #1, using your time online to engage with people that share interests or identity is a way to have space where you belong.
The Toward Wellth vision includes many of these suggestions - from hosting programming that can draw people of similar interests (karaoke, trivia, crafts) to providing shared-experience support groups; to being a meeting place for face-to-face socializing. As we execute on this vision, a variety of backgrounds will regularly and consistently experience the feeling of belonging.